So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
