Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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