Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
