Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They took my balls.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize