If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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