I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
