I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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