How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
