I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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