Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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