Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
