Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Randomize
