I seem to have left my pride at pride
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
