Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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