he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
