Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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