I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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