god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wear drunk well.
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