does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
