Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
