Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
