so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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