I love black thongs
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
