Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.

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(650): View more from California

i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium

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(571): View more from Virginia

I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...

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(201): View more from New Jersey

We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother

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