Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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