Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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