You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
