she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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