Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
