no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
