It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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