college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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