She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
