She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
