it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
