if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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