from now on my penis is your penis
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
