You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
