Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
