thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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