Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
