Umm I'm too high to move.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize