I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
