Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
