Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish you could order shots online.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
