i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
