so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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