the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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