Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize