If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
