so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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