I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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