I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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