Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
