Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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