Got a toothbrush?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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