How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
