Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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