She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize