So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
