i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
