My sheets look like a crime scene.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
